If you’ve ever struggled with perfectionism, people-pleasing, or worrying too much about what others think, you’re not alone. These are what I call the 3 Ps—and they quietly hold back countless professionals and leaders from reaching their full potential.
What Are the 3 Ps That Hold You Back?
The 3 Ps are:
Perfectionism – the pressure to give 110% when you don’t have 110% to give.
People-pleasing – constantly putting others’ preferences and opinions before your own.
Perception – worrying so much about how others see you that you get stuck in the wrong role, hold back in meetings, or stay silent when you should speak up.
Left unchecked, the 3 Ps create stress, burnout, and self-doubt. The good news? You can ditch them.
People-Pleasing: The Silent Confidence Killer
Remember the movie Runaway Bride with Julia Roberts and Richard Gere? At one point, Julia’s character admits she has no idea what kind of eggs she likes—because she always went along with whatever her partner wanted.
That’s people-pleasing in action. And it doesn’t just happen in relationships. It happens when you:
Ask what everyone else is wearing before deciding on your outfit.
Check who’s attending an event before saying yes.
Hold back your opinion in a meeting so you don’t rock the boat.
The truth is, when you live to please others, you lose confidence in your own voice.
Perfectionism at Work: Why “110%” Isn’t Sustainable
Another trap is perfectionism. Many professionals feel they need to give everything their absolute best—even when they’re already stretched thin. But perfectionism is a productivity myth.
Striving to always be flawless leaves you exhausted, resentful, and often less effective. Instead of aiming for “perfect,” start aiming for progress, learning, and impact.
Perception and the Fear of Not Being Liked
Perception is the trickiest of the 3 Ps. Many people, especially women in leadership, worry they’ll be seen as too assertive or not likeable.
In one of my coaching groups, a brilliant leader shared that she often avoids tough conversations because she fears others won’t like her. But here’s the truth: not everyone will like you—and that’s okay.
As one VP used to say, “If there’s not one person in the room who doesn’t like you, you haven’t done your job as a leader.”
Leaders make tough decisions. They challenge the status quo. They ask the hard questions. That doesn’t make you unlikeable—it just means your behaviour in that moment isn’t universally loved. And there’s a big difference.
The Comparison Trap: Stop Measuring Yourself Against Others
Perception also shows up in the way we compare ourselves to others. Who do you usually measure yourself against? Colleagues, neighbours, or leaders in your industry?
I often catch myself comparing my life to friends who are solo parents. I admire their strength, but when I tell myself to just “suck it up” because they do it alone, I end up invalidating my own exhaustion.
Comparison doesn’t motivate—it undermines. And the most damaging comparison of all? Comparing yourself to who you used to be.
Stop Comparing Yourself to the “Old You”
Maybe you look back at your younger self—the one with more energy, less responsibility, and fewer wrinkles—and wonder why you can’t keep up. But life changes. Careers, families, aging parents, and stress all shape your current reality.
You’ll never be that person again—and that’s a good thing. The present you brings wisdom, resilience, and unique experiences that your younger self couldn’t offer. Own that.
How to Quit the 3 Ps and Start Thriving
It’s time to ditch perfectionism, people-pleasing, and perception. Say goodbye to the 3 Ps and hello to confidence, authenticity, and freedom.
Here’s how to start:
Notice the patterns – catch yourself when you’re slipping into perfectionism, pleasing, or worrying about perception.
Challenge the thought – ask, “Is this really serving me?”
Choose authenticity – speak up, set boundaries, and make choices based on what truly matters to you.
You don’t have to turn into a narcissist or egotist. In fact, the fact that you worry about that means you won’t. You can be both successful and kind—you just don’t need to play small anymore.
Final Thoughts
When you stop giving in to perfectionism, people-pleasing, and perception, you gain energy, confidence, and clarity. You free yourself to lead, live, and love more authentically.
So, the next time the 3 Ps start creeping in, tell them to take a hike. Your best, most confident self is waiting on the other side.
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Mark Smith
Mark Smith
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